Rebecca Levey is a co-founder of KidzVuz.com, a video review site by and for tweens. She writes about technology and education at Beccarama and is a White House Champion of Change for Education.
Very often I’m approached by parents with questions about their kids and technology, many of which focus on fear and the unknown. Have you heard about the latest app that might lead to bullying or sexting or stalking or lifelong shame? Is my child leading a secret life that will end in tragedy? What's the next horrible app I should be aware of?
If you've been reading the news lately, you might feel overwhelmed with thoughts of technology anxiety and the possibility that the shiny little device in the palm of your child's hand is just a gateway to harm. I always answer these questions with the same opening line:
I understand the fear. You can't watch the news or scan the day's headlines without seeing a story about a teen who was cyberbullied, publicly humiliated, or even ran up their parent's iTunes bill by making in-app purchases. But that's what makes the news, and reality is different.
Most kids are innocently figuring it out as they go, and they need a guide - they need a parent. I am very hands-on with my daughters' online life, but it's all in an attempt to lay the foundation for a smart online life ahead. There is very little difference between how I approach their behavior on and off line.
When I was preparing my daughters for walking to and from school without an adult, we went over the best, safest route. I taught them to go into a store if they felt someone was following them, to not flash their phone or money, to travel in a group, and most of all to trust their instincts. It's almost exactly the same advice I gave them for navigating online. Don’t give out personal information, leave a situation if it doesn't feel safe, report inappropriate behavior and above all, trust their instincts.
But I admit, the first time they walked to their afterschool program, I followed a half a block behind, ducking behind fruit stands and parking meters so they wouldn't see me. And I do the same with their iPods at least once a week. I check their text messages, follow them on Instagram, I get all receipts from their iTunes account so I can see what they've downloaded (mostly a few cupcake decorating apps and some in-app purchases to enhance their virtual cooking skills).
They're only 10 so I don’t expect to find anything risqué or profane. Still, they know I check. Just like they know I will look over their homework every night and ask them how their day went at school. I don't follow them anymore in real life because they earned my trust and proved themselves to be smart and responsible. The same will be true of their tech life.
It's not okay for parents to say they don't want to join Facebook, even though their child has an account. It's not okay to just hand your kid a connected device for their birthday and let them jump right in and start downloading apps without any conversation about expectations and behavior. But most of all, it's not okay to step back and not participate in your child's social media and virtual worlds — because by doing so you are expressly saying that you don't care about an entire part of your child's real life.
So yes, I may have to play Stardoll at least once to participate in my daughter's life, but it's not that much of a hardship. Sometimes there are even sparkly tiaras involved.
Are you involved in your kids' online lives? Share with us what goes into the conversation.
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